||[Oct. 28th, 2005|05:56 pm]
|||||iv been lost||]|
il never forget:
the first time i held handsw with heather, i felt like such a deviant, it felt like i had discovered magic.
holding hands with ashley in the middle of class, i thought she was so pretty.
telling katie how beautiful the stars were that night at lukes, i thought it was so nice that we could see every last star, and especially with someone you really cared about.
the way me and marie, had this happy go lucky relationship, and how she tried to keep my hands warm in shayens car, and the way i felt, after she stood up for me that day.
the shy feeling i got whenever i saw arah walk by, and laughed because we knew what the other was thinking without even talking.
when viv called me from the incubus concert, and left a part of "wish you were here" in my messages.
the way erin had such a smaller hand than mine, but somehow always managed to fit perfectly in mine.
the way jessica always caught me off gaurd all the time, it was so funny, yet releiving.
"when its all said and done, what will i have to show for it?"
sometimes i think i want to date, for the concept of dating. the ideas you are left with before and after the climax that is a relationship. sex will never be as good as it seems. the more you think about it, the more your expectations will be shot. i think tony was right, that long time ago when he told me that my vice is that i think love is anything and everything. think being the keyword. i cant say iv experienced love like the endless romances that play through my mind, or see in a movie, or read in a book. thats why its a good idea to stop buying into fashion magazines, and mainstream television. it shows you what is possible, but cant have. like a scientist saying that time travel is possible, but goodluck trying to do it. but i know, i know all too well, we are all destined to find that one special person and theres so many people that someone has to be right for me. some people still die alone at 97 years old. its nice to buy into the concept of fate, and its easy to think so when you think big, like mairrage, death, and milestones in life. but i think its a little funny, to think that you sitting on a toilet pushing out some fat log is written on the scrolls of time as your fate.